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If I want to go to an art school I have to get rid of the habit to copy styles.
Or rather, get rid of trying to copy manga styles. Because the art world does not recognize that as a style. Now I should give no fucks to the world and stuff, but it’s not exactly like that. Western cartoons are often recognized, and for some reason, there is something to that style that seems to have more freedom to it. As much as I think manga style is cool, there are some things that bug me. Perhaps it’s too pretty. Perhaps it’s too smooth. Perhaps it’s the eyes. I don’t even know. The only thing I know is that this is not how I want to draw for the rest of my life. 
 
But that doesn’t mean that I completely agree with said art teachers. Judging their hate – because that’s what it looks like - , they probably barely know anything about manga rather than a cover of Naruto and a few old fashioned pics of girls with big eyes and enormous hair. I despise it when ignorant people like them judge something they don’t really know so negatively like that. If you’re an art teacher, you better research every drawing style there exist, and there exists a whole country that’s full of that, so their lack of knowledge on this subject is kinda sad. Sorry (most) art teachers. Perhaps I’m the ignorant one and you’ve done some good research but whenever I meet one of you guys I get the same rude and ignorant impression of you.

I started drawing ever since I could hold a pencil and I have lived most of my life doing traditional drawings of nature, animals, buildings, humans, objects and landscapes. Ever since I got hooked to anime, I barely did that ever again. I have the feeling that these years, I’m lacking practice in drawing everything except manga, and I think I’m falling behind everyone who does not limit their drawings to manga or a certain series style. Am I envious of all the younger artists who draw all sorts of amazing stuff and have their own style? You bet I am, I’m envious as fuck. I’m envious of literally everyone around me. It makes me realize again and again that I fucking copy all the time. Copying is important to improve. But I feel like I'm overdoing it.

Now my reason to copy things is because I don’t want to draw things too out of character. And one of the ways to prevent that from happening, is by drawing draws according to the style of the fandom you like. And there comes the problem, my drawing style changes with every new fandom I get hooked to. This won’t get me anywhere. 

Also another thing that keeps me from drawing in a different style, is because there might be people who like my drawings as they are now, and switching over to a different style might disappoint them. Now I do not care about the number of watchers, but the thought that I might disappoint people is not pleasant. That’s not something what an artist should be worrying about, an artist should give no fucks. Perhaps they’ll try to adjust themselves in creating stuff that sells, but being embarrassed over your work is no good… I don’t consider myself an artist right now, but if I want to become one (no, even if I would not become one), I should start giving no fucks.

Ugh I haven’t even showed my deviantart nor tumblr to my family, because I am embarrassed for what I draw, because it’s something they are not used to, which is manga and same sex relationship drawings. I have two steph brothers who are homosexual, and I’m afraid that upon seeing my drawings, they will be offended because perhaps it’s not how they experience homosexuality, or that they will think that I fetishize it. But I don’t. I am probably exaggerating, they are good people and won’t judge me because of that but I still am an anxious person who is afraid for weird looks and tries to fit in what’s normal. I can be totally weird in my ways of behaving and in my talks, but when it comes to the things I create, my interests and my favorite music, I tend to avoid talking about them, unless they are “people of the same kind”. Which is why the internet is so relaxing for me, it’s where I can talk with fellow nerds about crazy stuff only they understand. Ugh I should start giving no fuuuuuucks……

But okay, back to the drawing stuff…
People often say you should not compare yourself to others. I think that’s true. But I think it’s not necessarily bad to compare the stuff you make to the stuff that others make. Being envious gets me down, but it motivates me. I want to try different things and become better. Because I want to get better. Why? Because my goal is to be able to draw everything in whatever way I want. Why? Because the easier it is to draw everything, the more fun it is to draw – which is my hobby. And who doesn’t want to reach the highest level in a video game? Now I don’t know what the highest level is. Perhaps it’s something of a technically high level, perhaps it’s something unrecognizable and abstract, perhaps it’s something pretty, perhaps it’s something that contains many emotions, perhaps it’s something that looks ugly at first sight, perhaps it’s something funny, perhaps I end up right where I am, because perhaps that turns out to be the best thing. The only thing that I know right now is that I want to find out what kind of drawing style is truly “me”. And even if I might find it, it might change even after then. And that’s fine. As long as I can break out of the current situation.

This does not mean I will completely stop drawing things the way I draw right now. I just want to try different styles when I have time, and I think I’m going to try something with cartoons as a first step. Perhaps picking up traditional style again. I never really had interest in cartoon style, so I never tried drawing that way and to be honest I’m not all that pumped up to get started with that. It’s probably hard to switch from manga style to cartoon style. And I don’t know how much of a switch I’ll be able to make.

And yups, I will have to force myself to draw things that I don’t want to draw right now, but that’s how it goes in art school as well. They’ll try to completely eradicate your current style and force you to draw all kinds of shit. To start over. Having good techniques is not the end of the learning process of drawing. It’s probably gonna take years to find my own style. I can’t just switch over to new style in one day. Even if I’ll never become a legit artist, I still want to make this change.

The only thing that gets in my way right now is my own shame. How great it would feel to just draw whatever I want to, fanart or not, in whatever weird way, to just experiment with styles and tools and end up with a bunch of crap – but still useful crap. It would satisfy me so much. I could create a new anonymous deviantart account to go weird over there but that would mean I’d be running again. So I won’t be doing that. Too bad I won't be able to get a different username, though.

 

Activity


Flying Buds by KaburagiKotetsu
Flying Buds
Well.. flying ship, in my case.

At the end of the manga Kid has skull rockets to fly with and Black Star can just... fukign float without his weapon.
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Omega by KaburagiKotetsu
Omega
The original title of this draw was 'Nomnomnom'

Scene from :iconenchillama:'s fic Acceptance (archiveofourown.org/works/3934…)
The background is the park where everyone plays basketball and the walls have some kind of rainbow graffiti there.
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Poppy and Garlic by KaburagiKotetsu
Poppy and Garlic
Background pictures I drew for my father and my stepmother's birthday card.
My mouse was running out of batteries so I had to wrap it up somehow ><

What category does this even go to?
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Grown up by KaburagiKotetsu
Grown up
Quick comic with my first Tsubaki in it O3O I should have made more time to draw her properly but I was in a hurry.

I'm drawing too much death*star.

Not that I care.
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deviantID

KaburagiKotetsu
Netherlands
私は はんぶん オランダ人と 日本人です。
でも いまのところは ひらがな・カタカナしか よめません... orz
Milotic by CreepyJellyfish
Tumblr: usa-chins.tumblr.com/ and gashapontoys.tumblr.com/
Sign: Aquarius
Blood type: I wish it was D
Languages: Dutch, Japanese, English.. and a little German (when it comes to reading)
Hobbies: drawing, playing the piano

Favorite color: cobalt blue, black (to me it's a color), ruby red
Favorite animals: cats
Favorite sports: swimming, hockey.... climbing trees?! >:3
Favorite animated movies: Ookami Kodomo no Ame to Yuki, Spirited Away, 5 Centimeters per Second, UP
Favorite movies: The Pianist, Ghost of a Chance, Intouchables
Favorite musical: Les Misérables
Favorite music: Ramses Shaffy, Aimer, Ali Project, Kinki Kids

Favorite food: sushi, yakiniku and Dutch pancakes probably top my personal top 100
Least favorite food: broad beans, French fries/baked potatoes
Favorite drinks: water, tea, wine, fresh orange juice
Least favorite drinks: any softdrinks, packed juice, lemonade

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Death the kid K is always aske by duby149Kid battle win. by SymmetryKiddPatty Poke Kid Gif CB by xXFireFoxGirlXxDeathTheKid by OriginalDeathKidGIF request - Sachmet-Chan by Kyuubi-DemonFoxDEATH THE KID by 80avatarfan80
GIF request - OnceLersNumberOneFan by Kyuubi-DemonFoxDeath the kid  gif by InfamousSubZeroRun Kid Run by tylernol2002Death the Kidd crazy by sonofravensgif kiddo by pali-chan
Death the Kid stamp 2 by Toxic-TalonSoul Eater - Death the Kid by ZroulDeath the Kid stamp 1 by Toxic-TalonDeath The Kid Animation by Anbu--ThunderboltSymmetry. by Anbu--ThunderboltDeath The Kid Gif by Shujin-yo
DTK icon by A-bobDeath The Kid Gif 1 by Makenshi17Symmetry. by SymmetryKiddDTK avi 1 by SymmetryKiddDTK avi 4 by SymmetryKiddPlease, please, please, please! by SmokeyMitchellDTK avi 3 by SymmetryKidd
:icondeaththekid1plz::icondeaththekid2plz::iconask-deaththekid-now::iconhotfacekidplz::iconkidotlplz::iconkidraepfaceplz::iconkid-kunplz::iconwomanlykidplz::iconqueen-of-random18::iconkiddquoteplz::iconpunchkidplz::iconshinigamisama18::iconkidlolwutplz::iconkiddapprovesplz::iconbishiekidplz:
:icondeaththekid3plz::icondeaththekid4plz::iconautumnais::iconbalanceplz::iconsymmetrykidd::iconkiddeathstareplz::iconkidepicdodgeplz::iconkid-of-deathplz::iconsymmetricalkidplz::iconkidshootplz::iconkidfacepalmplz::iconkidnoplz::icondtkomgplz::iconkidrapefaceplz::iconkidhowpatheticplz:
:icondeaththekid5plz::icondeaththekid6plz::iconblushingkidplz::iconpweaseplz::iconsymmetricalplz::iconkiddlaughplz::iconhappydeaththekidplz::iconkidyesplz::iconkiddoesnotwantplz::iconkiddtrippinplz::iconkiddapprovedplz::icondeaththekidplz::icondtksmileplz::iconkiddpokeplz::iconsadkidplz:
:iconkiddpoutplz::iconasymmetricalplz::icondtkmoonwalkplz::icondtkohnoesplz::icondtkplz::iconkiddnowantplz::iconkidplz::iconkiddblahplz::iconkidisscrewedplz::icondeath-the-kid-plz::iconash1221::icondeaththekiddplz::iconkidhappyplz::iconhappydtkplz::iconkidomgplz:
Death the Emo by the-giver-of-breathDeath the Kid~ by Viryalex13SE icon: Kid 4 by glompmasterSE icon: Kid 7 by glompmasterSE icon: Kid 5 by glompmasterS.E. ep28: Kid icon by glompmasterSE icon: Kid 2 by glompmaster
Death the kid- OMG by NaviStarfireDeath the Kid Free Icon by ZombiexFoodDeath the Kid Free Icon 2 by ZombiexFoodDeath the kid attacking  gif by SoulKishinDeath the Kid Icon I: Ayt by ChimeXIII
Kid icon..tehehee by Viryalex13SE icon: Kid 1 by glompmasterDeath the Kid icon- Animated by SkeyeDragonDeath the Kid icon by StormBringer119Excalibur gif 3 by IzanagiServantDeath The Kid by deviant-ART-loverDeath The Kid Icon by codyismine
Ending the Battle by SymmetryKiddFREE Icon- Kid Epic Entrance by Emilyfly99Death The Kid by Shadowpony567Kid icon 2 by IloveyoukisshuKid icon by IloveyoukisshuCrazy Kid Icon by ParamourxLightsDeath the kid icon by TheBlindBandit92death the kid icon by avatarxuxadeath the kid icon 1 by waterlily13:iconkidchopplz::iconkidseesyouplz:
I'm not into collecting Death the Kid emoticons/gifs/stamps or anything.

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Comments


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:iconoraframes:
oraframes Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for the fave!
P.s. When i first got here I'd drew chibi and manga art. Now I'm a photographer. Maybe in the future I'll be Beyonce.
All the crazy talk to say: you're entitled to your own decisions, much lurve and good luck from Italy :B
Reply
:iconkaburagikotetsu:
KaburagiKotetsu Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2015
No problem! And thank you very much ^^
Reply
:iconcutecat213:
CuteCat213 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
I have to go to a wedding, be back later. Wish me luck!
Reply
:iconkaburagikotetsu:
KaburagiKotetsu Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2015
Good luck! xD Whose wedding is it?
Reply
:iconcutecat213:
CuteCat213 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
My one-year-older-than-me nephew. (I'm the youngest sister by over fifteen years, and the youngest of my generation of Me-Lee-Derek by one and two years respectively.) And we are leaving... now. Later~!
Reply
:iconkaburagikotetsu:
KaburagiKotetsu Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2015
I see! Congratulations! (interesting! :D) Have fun! x3
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconhigurashi-massacre:
Higurashi-Massacre Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2015  New Deviant Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hi dear.It's me,MoKaLo.
My account was banned for good from this site :(
But I made this account so I can stalk ur StarKid art again ♥
Reply
:iconkaburagikotetsu:
KaburagiKotetsu Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2015
Oh my I'm so sorry :( Do you think you will be posting on your new account again?
How long did you own your previous deviantart? Also such a waste of your membership I mean you paid for it, right >_<;;
Aww thank you ;w; That warms my heart!
Reply
:iconhigurashi-massacre:
Higurashi-Massacre Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2015  New Deviant Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't know if I'll ever continue drawing anymore....
And I had my last account for over 9 years...
and I paid for 2year membership which is now GONE!
What a fucking waste of money....
and I even lost my over 10 000 points...
Reply
:iconkaburagikotetsu:
KaburagiKotetsu Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2015
Ohh don't say that D':
Drawing is your hobby, right? Don't stop doing what you love!
When we were little, there was no such thing as sharing our drawings on the net. And it was still fun! ^^
You still have your tumblr, and your drawings are still on deviantart (though can you edit or remove them?)
It's a shame you lost an account over 9 years old. That really, really sucks, I have to agree.
But..And this might sound less fun, this is a good opportunity to 'filter' your watchers.
No matter how many watchers you have, some people might no longer be on deviantart. Some are only watching people to get a watch back.
Some might have lost interest (it sucks but it's life), but don't unwatch. I have a certain amount of watchers, but I think only 5% of them bothers checking on my art.
On your new account, you will be able to get a better view of who truly likes your art that they go as far as to find your new account at least.
And with those people, you'll be able to have fun here :)
Sometimes I get the urge to make a new account, because I like to start over fresh. Also if I don't do so, I cannot change my username.
The username I currently use is not what I identify with anymore. After all, it's the name of an anime character. A nice one, but I want something more personal.
But I don't want to (and can't) pay for membership right now.  
Maybe you can ask deviantart to get your money and points back. I don't know how this works, but it's worth a try.
I'm sorry I can't donate points, I never use or have them and at the moment I'm literally broke ^^; All I can do is give you a llama, in case you collected them.
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