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If I want to go to an art school I have to get rid of the habit to copy styles.
Or rather, get rid of trying to copy manga styles. Because the art world does not recognize that as a style. Now I should give no fucks to the world and stuff, but it’s not exactly like that. Western cartoons are often recognized, and for some reason, there is something to that style that seems to have more freedom to it. As much as I think manga style is cool, there are some things that bug me. Perhaps it’s too pretty. Perhaps it’s too smooth. Perhaps it’s the eyes. I don’t even know. The only thing I know is that this is not how I want to draw for the rest of my life. 
But that doesn’t mean that I completely agree with said art teachers. Judging their hate – because that’s what it looks like - , they probably barely know anything about manga rather than a cover of Naruto and a few old fashioned pics of girls with big eyes and enormous hair. I despise it when ignorant people like them judge something they don’t really know so negatively like that. If you’re an art teacher, you better research every drawing style there exist, and there exists a whole country that’s full of that, so their lack of knowledge on this subject is kinda sad. Sorry (most) art teachers. Perhaps I’m the ignorant one and you’ve done some good research but whenever I meet one of you guys I get the same rude and ignorant impression of you.

I started drawing ever since I could hold a pencil and I have lived most of my life doing traditional drawings of nature, animals, buildings, humans, objects and landscapes. Ever since I got hooked to anime, I barely did that ever again. I have the feeling that these years, I’m lacking practice in drawing everything except manga, and I think I’m falling behind everyone who does not limit their drawings to manga or a certain series style. Am I envious of all the younger artists who draw all sorts of amazing stuff and have their own style? You bet I am, I’m envious as fuck. I’m envious of literally everyone around me. It makes me realize again and again that I fucking copy all the time. Copying is important to improve. But I feel like I'm overdoing it.

Now my reason to copy things is because I don’t want to draw things too out of character. And one of the ways to prevent that from happening, is by drawing draws according to the style of the fandom you like. And there comes the problem, my drawing style changes with every new fandom I get hooked to. This won’t get me anywhere. 

Also another thing that keeps me from drawing in a different style, is because there might be people who like my drawings as they are now, and switching over to a different style might disappoint them. Now I do not care about the number of watchers, but the thought that I might disappoint people is not pleasant. That’s not something what an artist should be worrying about, an artist should give no fucks. Perhaps they’ll try to adjust themselves in creating stuff that sells, but being embarrassed over your work is no good… I don’t consider myself an artist right now, but if I want to become one (no, even if I would not become one), I should start giving no fucks.

Ugh I haven’t even showed my deviantart nor tumblr to my family, because I am embarrassed for what I draw, because it’s something they are not used to, which is manga and same sex relationship drawings. I have two steph brothers who are homosexual, and I’m afraid that upon seeing my drawings, they will be offended because perhaps it’s not how they experience homosexuality, or that they will think that I fetishize it. But I don’t. I am probably exaggerating, they are good people and won’t judge me because of that but I still am an anxious person who is afraid for weird looks and tries to fit in what’s normal. I can be totally weird in my ways of behaving and in my talks, but when it comes to the things I create, my interests and my favorite music, I tend to avoid talking about them, unless they are “people of the same kind”. Which is why the internet is so relaxing for me, it’s where I can talk with fellow nerds about crazy stuff only they understand. Ugh I should start giving no fuuuuuucks……

But okay, back to the drawing stuff…
People often say you should not compare yourself to others. I think that’s true. But I think it’s not necessarily bad to compare the stuff you make to the stuff that others make. Being envious gets me down, but it motivates me. I want to try different things and become better. Because I want to get better. Why? Because my goal is to be able to draw everything in whatever way I want. Why? Because the easier it is to draw everything, the more fun it is to draw – which is my hobby. And who doesn’t want to reach the highest level in a video game? Now I don’t know what the highest level is. Perhaps it’s something of a technically high level, perhaps it’s something unrecognizable and abstract, perhaps it’s something pretty, perhaps it’s something that contains many emotions, perhaps it’s something that looks ugly at first sight, perhaps it’s something funny, perhaps I end up right where I am, because perhaps that turns out to be the best thing. The only thing that I know right now is that I want to find out what kind of drawing style is truly “me”. And even if I might find it, it might change even after then. And that’s fine. As long as I can break out of the current situation.

This does not mean I will completely stop drawing things the way I draw right now. I just want to try different styles when I have time, and I think I’m going to try something with cartoons as a first step. Perhaps picking up traditional style again. I never really had interest in cartoon style, so I never tried drawing that way and to be honest I’m not all that pumped up to get started with that. It’s probably hard to switch from manga style to cartoon style. And I don’t know how much of a switch I’ll be able to make.

And yups, I will have to force myself to draw things that I don’t want to draw right now, but that’s how it goes in art school as well. They’ll try to completely eradicate your current style and force you to draw all kinds of shit. To start over. Having good techniques is not the end of the learning process of drawing. It’s probably gonna take years to find my own style. I can’t just switch over to new style in one day. Even if I’ll never become a legit artist, I still want to make this change.

The only thing that gets in my way right now is my own shame. How great it would feel to just draw whatever I want to, fanart or not, in whatever weird way, to just experiment with styles and tools and end up with a bunch of crap – but still useful crap. It would satisfy me so much. I could create a new anonymous deviantart account to go weird over there but that would mean I’d be running again. So I won’t be doing that. Too bad I won't be able to get a different username, though.



18 years old by KaburagiKotetsu
18 years old
Happy late birthday, :icon00buba00:!!
I kinda forgot to post it here on deviantart, but here you go again ^^
As usual I made some dumb mistakes again and was too late to fix them before the main streamy of reblogs. It won't get another stream again so the version with mistakes will be stuck on tumblr forever NOOOOOO
That's the one thing I really dislike about tumblr, you can't fix mistakes on reblogs! ;_;

(first panel is just meant to look them a bit older, since the rest of the comic is done in my doodle style)

For those who are confused:

List of things 18 year olds can do now

1. open a bank account
2. vote
3. get a gun
4. get a drivers license
5. smoke tobacco
6. get drunk
7. get stoned
8. get porn
9. become an organ donor
10. go sky dive
11. marry me

Black Star

Me by KaburagiKotetsu
Yup, that's me! There in the background, with my arms flailing!! OwO

I never really bother taking selfies. I just dislike the trend I guess. I would dislike it a lot less if it wasn't being called something sounding as dumb as "selfie". Yeah I just hate the word.
Most internet friends have shown pictures of themselves so it seems fair to do the same. Also, before people get an inaccurate image of me, be it positive or negative. A little late tho, I have this account for 3 years already.

Good thing I had my cat near me, otherwise I would have lit my phone on fire for making my face look like a speckled eggplant everytime. Cats, I love you and your calming abilities~~
... I need to fix my eyelid.
Soul Eater - Male fans kissing gif by KaburagiKotetsu
Soul Eater - Male fans kissing gif
I wasn't really in a hurry to post this thing but I kind of got annoyed seeing this on without my permission. Normally I would not mind reposting that bad but there's been stuff going on at tumblr and it doesn't feel good.

Also, people seem to misunderstand this comic to be of someone else. This was the first thing that got so many notes on my tumblr ( so I was very happy about it, so I wish for it to be clear that I was the one who drew it.

Anyway... this was the gif that I based the comic on:…
The proportions are.... er... not quite right but you get the point
Salvage by KaburagiKotetsu
I don't even know what salvage means, to be honest. I should look it up.

Supposed to take place around here…
Move Black Star about half a meter and on top of Kid he falls.
(… if Kid wakes up he’ll obliterate the whole team including Black Star who misses out on his madness power up)

There is actually a page missing between this page and the page you find when you go back. It should be included in a volume, tho.

Carry Me by KaburagiKotetsu
Carry Me

Omg I really need to pay attention in keeping the frames more balanced lol what’s up with the second to last frames omgggggg

I should write more neatly

I don’t know how Black Star managed to get Kid down and on his back but it must have been awkward. I guess this is one of the possible ways.

Black Star is kinda sweet, carrying Kid with him while Kid just flew up the mountain with Beelzebub and left Black Star to climb up on hands and feet just a moment ago.



私は はんぶん オランダ人と 日本人です。
でも いまのところは ひらがな・カタカナしか よめません... orz
Milotic by CreepyJellyfish
Tumblr: tho I barely use it
Sign: Aquarius
Blood type: I wish it was D
Languages: Dutch, Japanese, English.. and a little German (when it comes to reading)
Hobbies: drawing, playing the piano

Favorite color: cobalt blue, black (to me it's a color), ruby red
Favorite animals: cats
Favorite sports: swimming, hockey.... climbing trees?! >:3
Favorite animated movies: Ookami Kodomo no Ame to Yuki, Spirited Away, 5 Centimeters per Second, UP
Favorite movies: The Pianist, Ghost of a Chance, Intouchables
Favorite musical: Les Misérables
Favorite music: Ramses Shaffy, Aimer, Ali Project, Kinki Kids

Favorite food: sushi, yakiniku and Dutch pancakes probably top my personal top 100
Least favorite food: broad beans, French fries/baked potatoes
Favorite drinks: water, tea, wine, fresh orange juice
Least favorite drinks: any softdrinks, packed juice, lemonade

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Death the Emo by the-giver-of-breathDeath the Kid~ by Viryalex13SE icon: Kid 4 by glompmasterSE icon: Kid 7 by glompmasterSE icon: Kid 5 by glompmasterS.E. ep28: Kid icon by glompmasterSE icon: Kid 2 by glompmaster
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I'm not into collecting Death the Kid emoticons/gifs/stamps or anything.

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Add a Comment:
cherryking8 Featured By Owner May 8, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
goedendag ^^
hoe is het met jou?

yes I learned dutch >w<
Zoomzamzim Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2015
Hi buddy how's it going :)?
MissDarkRaven Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015   General Artist
((Thanks for the llama! <3 ))
KaburagiKotetsu Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015
No problem, thank you, too ^^
MissDarkRaven Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015   General Artist
(( Np ^w^ ))
cherrykocobang Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2015
Omo thanks sooo much for the llama!!
KaburagiKotetsu Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2015
Thank you, too ^^
bkworm5 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for the llama! Llama jump :iconhappydeaththekidplz:
o0Amphigory0o Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2015

Thanks for the fave.  =]  I read through your journal entry (popped right out at me here on the front page), and I just want to tell you to not worry too much about finding a style!  It will find you.  I went to art school, too, and endured all kinds of criticism (real and imagined) about what it is I prefer to draw.  Namely, cute things, and how that wasn't "tough" enough for some teachers.  Don't worry about those teachers who disagree.  They're just revealing their own stylistic preferences.   Learn what you can from them, but ultimately remember what you love to draw is what you will be best at drawing and what will be your most compelling work.  

Art school is great for exploring.  While there, I discovered what kind of mediums I most enjoy and work best with, as well as my work process.  All the new mediums, processes, and styles you're experimenting with will eventually mix together and become something comfortable for you.  If it's uncomfortable now, don't worry, art school will kinda want to do that to you, unfortunately...

Best of luck.  :heart:
KaburagiKotetsu Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2015
No problem! I really like your work ^^

Thank you very much! After I wrote that journal I kept thinking about it and I decided that I will keep drawing what I love, but still make room for stuff that might not be my thing at first impression.
I want to learn more about drawing and art by making different things, even if I don't like it at first. Maybe something nice comes out of it or I might start to actually like it.
I would love to explore x3 Too bad art school is hard but I guess that's also something I need.
You're right, I should remember that I shouldn't stop drawing what I love :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my journal and post a comment about it.
I'm happy to have received good advice from someone who has great art like you ^^
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